HOW I WISH!

 

How I wish 

How I wish I never brought a tear to your eye,  

That I didn't have to erase your smile;

How I wish you always had your way, 

And you never felt abandoned any day... 

How I wish you knew I hate the word NO, 

And I could let you engage in all that you want to do;

How I wish I never had to raise my brow, 

Or speak to you in a tone that made you curl in your burrow. 

How I wish I could let you sleep on cold wintry mornings and skip school;

How I wish I did not have to make you sit up to finish homework that's sometimes so uncool. 

How I wish you could feel the warmth of my heart that lies beneath the coat of steel, 

How I wish you knew that being a mother, I can't let you loose on a freewheel. 

How I wish you realise someday when I may be far away, 

That each act of mine was only to make you and your life worthy every day. 

Covid - A wake-up call

 

Call it a virus, a contagion, a sham or scam, 

Covid got us under a roof, away from the glitz and glam;

Before we embrace the new normal, let us take the reality check, 

Shirk off the hoods of denial and distress and the pangs of distance or pain of wreck;

A walk down the timeline shall reveal how for eons we turned blind and deaf

Taking life for granted, be it the Nature, mankind or the Self. 

Cried out the Earth we walked up on and the air we inhaled, 

When greenery around was replaced with black fumes that were exhaled;

Wept the waters when clogged with filth, be it discharge from a body or a factory, 

Disbanded were the flocks of animals or birds, when rendered homeless and hungry;

Neither did we pause to soak in their tears, 

Not did we rise to the moment to atone for our sins. 

Our abode that brought us love and peace, care and comfort, 

The family that stood in silence, in each moment of triumph or defeat;

Felt low when snubbed, snapped or disgraced, 

Yet didn't utter a grudging word or throw a grimace;

Not too late to shed the guilt and fear, 

And come home to an embrace of longing and cheer. 

In our scramble to success, it wasn't just Mother Earth or Nature who swam the tide, 

Much as we drifted away from family and friends, we also took the self for a jolly ride;

Sunk the hobbies and passions, in our sweaty pursuit to power and worldly pleasure;

Isn't it time now to hear the alarm ringing within, to break away from pressure, 

As nothing stays with us forever, be it a smile or a tear;

So why not choose the present over the future, today or never? 

An ode to 2020

At the crack of the first dawn,  

amidst the banter and the clatter;

We bid adieu to another year

and open a new chapter.

But as we exchange greetings and forwards

With our kith and kin, and friends on the web;

The heavy heart sighs and concedes

the lacuna of few loved ones and their familiar hubbub. 

As we look forward to cross over from the virtual periphery,

A mixed bag of angst, fear and caution tugs at the heartstrings;

Memories of the year spent in solitude and simplicity

Refuse to leave us unfettered and cheery.

While we may not see the light yet at the end of the tunnel

Let us remember how far we have swum along the tide;

Let us not allow the gloom to dwarf our hope, faith and belief 

That the new dawn may steer us closer to the shores of love and life.

 

Self-care: A timeless secret for a happier existence

Five secrets to make yourself 'your' first priority  

Yesterday was 24/7, a term we use day in and out, so as to reflect our love, grit and dedication towards an individual, a relationship, a goal or task, an organisation or an aspiration. Hence, International Self-Care Day is a worldwide campaign held annually on July 24th(7/24) as a reminder that benefits of self-care are experienced 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

In this blog, I have made an honest attempt to address the need and relevance of Self-care in our daily life, how it can be achieved, how we can use our ‘Me-Time’ in a conscious and contended manner, and which are the five ways that we can make ourselves, the first priority.
















Here are few examples of individuals from all walks of life, practising the art of Self-care, 24/7.

1. 5:30 am on a Monday morning: Ritesh, a 40-year old businessman, is out for a run on Worli Sea Face, with his eight buddies, who are all fitness freaks.
2. 3:00 pm - Tuesday: Kavita, a septuagenarian, awaits the arrival of her students, to whom she imparts lessons in Hindustani music.
3. 9:00 am - Wednesday: The 40-year old Reena drops her son at school, and heads to a local orphanage, to read books to children.
4. 4:00 pm - Thursday: 53-year old Radhika leaves for her art class, to learn to make wall murals. 
5. 11 am – Friday: Neeta, the 32-year old homemaker, settles down with her morning cuppa, and the latest book penned by her favourite author.
6. 8 am - Saturday: Sarita, 28-year old teacher and mother of two, joins her gang for a girls-only weekend getaway to Lavassa.
7. 7 pm - Sunday: Vyom, a 35-year old IT professional, is adding final touches to his signature pasta. Cooking is his favourite pastime. 

These seven individuals, cut across the barriers of age, conventions and backgrounds, and have myriad aspirations and needs, yet are bound by one aspect –24 hours of the day.

As individuals, we can choose how to navigate the paths of life, chisel our destinies, and make the most between the first cry and the last sigh. We can spend hours in discussions and debates, yet disagree or not agree, twiddle thumbs on the mobile, or munch potato chips on the couch facing the TV.

Bound by familial and social customs, we make enormous effort to take care of our loved ones, tend to the elderly and sick, or spend quality time with our children. We stay in touch with our friends and family, over occasional calls and visits.

However, we often overlook someone … Ourselves.

Self-care: Well-being begins within

In today’s fast-paced life, we are drowned in the cacophony of buzzing cell phones, blaring idiot boxes, an agitated media and an all-pervasive social media. Amidst this hubbub, can we consider to slow down, pause, reflect and rejuvenate, before we move to the next day and task.

Self-care is a priority today, and is no longer an option, an act of self-interest or a luxury. We must focus not only on the physical aspects of health, exercise and fitness, but also ensure mental and emotional well-being. Lack of sleep, hectic schedules, and the drive to be seen as happy and successful, even if you aren’t, could prove detrimental in the long run, and we may end up in puddles of anxiety and depression.

In a recent poll that I ran on Survey Monkey, I sought opinions from few friends about the need for self-care, the best use of ‘Me-time’, along with few other issues related to gender bias and prejudice.

Most people agreed that self-care is hugely gratifying, lowers stress, and could even help us understand the purpose of our existence. However, it is more daunting for women to find the time, as they juggle between responsibilities at home and few at work too. Moreover, those who manage to break the mould, are often misjudged or condemned.

Let us now look at five ways in which we can make a conscious attempt to practise self-care.

• 'Me-time’ – Do we use it or spend it? 

‘Me-time’ - something that gives us joy, peace, a little space away from everyone and everything, and an opportunity to delve deep within.

Seema moves heaven and earth to wrap up work early at office, to attend the wedding reception of her relative or reach home in time to cook dinner for guests arriving from her home town. But she finds herself shrouded by guilt, as if she is taking something away from her family or denying someone their share of attention, if she wants to join a fitness programme held in her neighbourhood.

Though many of us enjoy spending our Me-time with family, and friends, it need not be the same for all. This time could also be used to improve self-focus, and retrospect and relax.

Let us look at many popular and few unconventional means to use ‘Me-time’.

Exercise and fitness are the passport to a happy and healthy life, and that explains the mushrooming of yoga and wellness centres, Zumba and aerobic classes, and the growing cult of runners.

Hobbies such as reading or writing, performing arts or fine arts, or gardening, are fruitful pastimes, nurturing confidence and self-worth, bringing in recognition and glory, and enhancing visibility. Pursuits such as baking, art and craft or reselling, may even prove to be an alternative source of income.

Learning methods to practise Vipassana, transcendental meditation, or Kriya yoga can help one surrender their being to a higher authority, listen to commands and learn to hear their inner voice. Alternative healing therapies such as Reiki, Pranic healing, or acupuncture enable the experts to channelise their energies towards a nobler cause and contribute to social well-being.

Seeking a sabbatical from work to write a book, do an online course on artificial intelligence or robotics, or do nothing but sleep, travel, eat and read, could be extremely rewarding.

Travel offers the much-needed break from routine, and it need not always be with family and friends. Solo travel is a fast-catching fad, where you take off on your own, to explore the world within and beyond.

One can also use this opportunity to enhance and enrich their knowledge on world affairs, read newspapers and e-papers, listen to interesting podcasts, or watch interesting programmes on TV. 

• Engage in group activities: Be a motivator and get motivated

No event, however small or large in scale, is complete today without a groupfie, a moment that captures the charm of group members, both in their individual form and the group element. So, if you are fond of running, trying out new cuisines, reading and sharing lines from the latest book you read, what is a better way to pursue these activities, than forming a group of like-minded individuals, sharing the same passion.

Make it a point to meet regularly, be it daily, weekly or fortnightly, and carry on with the mission. Motivation then becomes reciprocal, where on a day when you don’t feel like running, your buddy is at the door in her gear, bucking you up. And you return the favour when the opportunity strikes.

• Clear the path: Defy the stereotypes

There are endless gateways and getaways to realise our true potential and goals, if only we learn to shed inhibitions, cast off aspersions and move away from prejudice and pre-conceived notions.

A man who gives up his hi-flier job to be a home-maker, or a woman who leaves her children behind, for her onsite project, are the most trolled these days. A couple that refuses to babysit grandkids, as they wish to take a world tour, may be labelled as self-centric.

Can we define or identify this voice that passes judgments, or creates this bias? Is it louder or more pertinent than our inner calling? Should it really matter, how we are perceived or branded, when we are the best judges for ourselves?

So, the next time you hear someone offering unsolicited thoughts or free advice on how you should rank your priorities, feel free to turn a deaf ear and spread your wings far and wide. 

• Say a NO: Be emphatic and assertive

Kiya would wait eagerly for the weekend to catch up with her favourite books, but every Saturday morning, her aunt would call her and ask her to join them for a family outing.

Amar loved to go for treks especially in the monsoons, but each time he would make a plan with his group of trekkers, there would be some last-minute presentations at work.

So, more often than not, we are in a dilemma whether to decline the offer, or go ahead and oblige, even half-heartedly. Do we realise, the more we give in, the more we are sought.

Self-care is also about being assertive and learning to say an emphatic NO. It may come as a surprise or shock to people around, as they are habituated to seeing heads nod in affirmations; but slow and steady wins the race, and persistence is key.

• Accountability is a choice, not a norm

Anila wanted to fly to Greece on her solo trip, a long-cherished vacation she had promised herself since she started working. Yet, she needed permission from her spouse to use the funds she had painstakingly saved over years, and had to justify her choice of going solo to her entire extended community and clan. Of course, there was concern and anxiety looming large, but weren’t there few with raised brows, full of smirk or envy?

Pranay wanted to have his start-up consultancy firm, and decided to quit his job and get into fulltime business. After struggling for nearly six months, he did not see much success coming his way. One day, he called it quits and started looking for new job offers. The other day, when he attended a family function, he found himself being surrounded by well-meaning relatives, all hinting at his failed venture, some of whom lent their pearls of wisdom, and few who shook their heads, offering pity.

Agreed, the world is perpetually twisted in the shape of a question mark, but do we need to provide that full stop all the time?  Let us accept that it is ok to err, gather your wits and move forward. As long as we remain accountable to ourselves and the power guiding the Universe, the world can wait for its answers.

The time is now!

So, go for it. Self-care is not an objective that can be procrastinated, as it is something we should be practising, right from yesterday (pun intended).

Mental and emotional health is as important as physical health parameters. A long span of neglect can have dire consequences, manifesting in the form of depression, breakdowns, and crisis situations. Hence, charity begins at home, and true contentment starts and lies within.

The moment is here and now, and unless you clasp it, it will be gone never to return.

The choice lies with us and only us!!! 

To every mother out there, to thee I bow.

A transnational sentiment, a wordless language,

An ethos free of creeds and cultures, an emotion defying barrier of age.

Motherhood - a saga of unconditional love and unwavering commitment,

Indescribable, indispensable, unequivocal, yet an understated embodiment.

A feeling that a woman nurtures within her body and soul,

In sweet anticipation of a cherubic face, tiny hands and toes.

Also, in store are sleepless nights and tiresome days,

Yet she brushes away every twinge of pain with a benign grace.

Yet, in return for her winsome smile and months of labors,

It’s not just appreciation or acknowledgement that she gathers;

As she steps out into the world to claim her own self, her lost glory and flairs,

Finds herself surrounded by a plethora of questions, raised eyebrows, and scornful glares.

A neighbor who felt she neglected her offspring, to find her feet back in the Sun,

Her relative who judged her choice to not breastfeed, and labelled her as an uncaring mum, 

The colleague who passed a snide remark on her post-partum weight gain,

Weren’t they the ones who posted selfies with their Moms on Mothers’ Day?

Sadly, the story never ends, for not spared are even the SAHMs,

How overprotective are you, let your child fall and learn to tramp;

Is that how you plan to raise an obstinate child by being around all day,

Leave the kid and home behind, use your skills to find your way.

So that’s how we venerate a Mother, 364 days of the calendar,

Judging, shaming, blaming, labeling her all through the year,

Cakes and flowers, gifts and galore is not what she desires,

A little warmth, respect and thought is what she deserves.

Remember, its not just the nine months of pain and anxiety that she endures

It is a lifetime of queries, remarks, taunts and taints which she encounters.

Let us resolve to make every day special for every mother,

For whoever it be, a daughter-in-law or a daughter,

A friend, a housemaid, a teacher or a colleague,

Each child has the best mother, and every mother has it all.

Happy Mothers’ Day

* SAHM - Stay-at-home Mom

The power of Prayer

With a question on her lips, an arch on her brows,

And her tiny hands and feet, into the kitchen, she tiptoes;

Seeing her mother adding final touches to the supper, 

Draws her attention by banging spoons and plates together.

All of seven, fresh as a flower,

Pihu wants to know from her mother;

Who is God; is it He or a She?

Is He seated high up in the skies, or down here next to me?

The mother responds with a smile, as if on instinct,

Thinking hard all the time, how to make it simple and succinct;

Intertwines her fingers with her daughters’

And leads her to their abode of peace and prayer.

Bringing their hands together and eyes closed in fervour,

They embark on the path of grasping the energy, strong and superior.

Enlightening her daughter, the mother’s voice rose,

Come, lets discover the force guiding and guarding this Cosmos.

The universal force, free of colour or class, radiates peace and joy,

Is not to be branded only as a He or a She, for it embraces everyone, be it a girl or a boy

Bear in mind, if only you share your smiles with God, and stop by to sign few hymns each day,

Will He/She remember to bring you moments of harmony and peace, and keep troubles at bay.

Just as you share your chocolates and cookies with your buddies,

So, should you let the Lord stake a claim in your possessions, be it in your hands or the heart

Those who think of God only in times of pain, loss, or agony,

May often see themselves standing at the tail end of his generosity.

You often voice your concerns, or whisper little secrets to your best friend,

Make God your ally and confidante, tell him what you fear and see your worries end; 

Whenever you desire to scale new peaks, or step beyond your comfort zone,

Reach out for guidance, motivation and courage, and ask the Lord to be your back bone. 

The other day, when you returned from school, dejected and forlorn,

You revealed about your fight with a classmate over a packet of popcorn; 

So, when you err, or hurt or harm a close loved one, bare it to God,

Seek forgiveness, and learn the art of compassion and see your guilt erode.

Every morning when you rise, and every night before you fall asleep,

Say a prayer, and ask the Lord to show you his mercy and protect you from every peril.

Remember, we as humans, cross paths and through the journey of life, build bonds

Yet, one constant force controls every moment and binds us in a single cord. 

Listening to her mother with deep intent and piety,

Pihu now saw her friend, confidante, motivator and protector, all in the Almighty; 

While honesty, integrity and love could take her closer to the Lord,

Being selfish, cruel or arrogant could drive Him/Her away from this world.

 

Sharing her newfound wisdom, Pihu became a new mentor for her pals,

Taught them to revere the Force at every place of worship, and overcome all their trials;

Said she to them, “The more we beseech the Lord to shower upon us, His/Her benevolence,

The more we respect that Force present in every living or inanimate existence;

Seeking Godliness within the deepest recesses of our hearts,

Will help us see our doubt, guilt, anguish and grief depart”.

Spreading smiles, enriching lives

What does it take to give? A large heart, some cash, a needy person, an urge to do something for someone, little bit of time, and a noble thought…

The Daan Utsav messages, Joy of Giving Week at workplaces, collection drives at residential societies, and various campaigns mobilising support for poor children, the elderly, women or people in need of relief and rehabilitation – the list goes on… so much so, that many-a-times, we wonder who is more in need of our help and how should we go about choosing and addressing a cause.  

On a recent visit to a local orphanage, a glance at the donation register revealed numerous entries, of people who donated some cash, sponsored a meal, or offered snacks like a slice cake or biscuits. There were few persons who shared their old clothes or bedsheets, useful household items and items of health and hygiene.

There is no doubt that everyone is making a sincere effort to make the world a better place to live. However, is this enough or is there something lacking in our efforts, in what we choose to share with or offer to the needy, or does the basic thought process need to be revisited and reenergised.

Spread your wings far and beyond – the buck will never stop

Well, charity begins at home, yet it does not and need not stop there. However, there is a fine line between giving what you want, and giving what they need. Only when we start recognising, understanding and bridging this gap, will we make inroads towards a better and brighter future and holistic improvement in lives of people around.

Few questions that could lead you to the right channel: 

1. Do I want to give something just to experience the joy and fulfillment of a donation? 
2. Do I want to offer something to someone, just because I have too many clothes, vessels or items of furniture, and I want to empty some space for new stuff? 
3. Do I want to join my friends and family in supporting a cause, to avoid feeling excluded?
4. Do I want to be part of such an exercise because I believe I can make a difference to the world out there, and to the people living around me? 
5. Do I want to share my assets or belongings with those who matter to me, so that they feel loved and cared for, and will reciprocate in some manner later on?

Whatever be the answer to these questions, the thought of giving, caring and sharing needs no justification.

Plugging gaps – finding the lacuna

As a giver, you can choose the cause you wish to support, decide the recipient of your goodwill, and the size and scale of your benevolence.

Given our cultural backgrounds and upbringing, it is natural to find ways to share our good fortune, personal belongings and items of value with our support systems, the people who make life easier for us day in and day out – be it housemaids, gardeners, drivers, security guards, and housekeeping staff looking after our residential and office premises.

If we step out of our comfort zone, there are orphanages and homes for small children, women and the elderly, rehabilitation centres for victims of terminal diseases, or areas under flyovers inhabited by the homeless, who along with their children, try and make a living by selling goods at traffic signals.

Still further on, we have initiatives such as tree plantations, building homes in rural areas, caring for animals, conserving natural resources, promoting the need for sanitation and hygiene, waste management, protecting and restoring heritage sites, many of which we also associate with, under our employers’ or companies’ agenda for Corporate Social Responsibility.

Be human, yet humble

Our ancestors always stressed on ‘not letting the left hand know what the right hand did’. Well, in today’s world, where social media screams at the drop of a hat, and WhatsApp just does not let you breathe without clicking the forward button, agree this is a tough ask. Yet, a conscious effort to remain focused on the task, without giving in to momentary highs, can help you meet this goal.

Sharing my own experience here, I celebrated my son’s fourth birthday last year, by throwing a small party for all his little friends at our community hall. Following that, on his star birthday (as per the Hindu calendar), I took him to a local orphanage which had 200 girls, and distributed food packets from Monginis to all of them. I had a close friend and her son with me, and the three of us helped my son hand over the packets to the girls with his own hands. He stood there for over an our and with a smile on his face, carried on with the task. Later, when a close relative asked me for some pics, I replied that I did not click any, not only because I did not want to share visual images of this event, but more so because I never wanted any of the recipients to feel overwhelmed.

The point is, let us not mix charity with our personal or professional image. As long as we maintain this balance, we will be contributing towards building an equal world, where equality lies not just in incomes or livelihoods or standards of living, but also lies in how each individual perceives herself, be it her attributes, education, social status or the overall state of existence.

Not just in kind, but also in body and mind

Philanthropy always culminates into giving something, be it in the form of cash or items of need, building facilities and infrastructure such as schools, hospitals, etc, or protecting the universe, yet it can also take the form of words, thoughts, ideas and services.

Speak to your housemaid or driver for ten minutes a day, understand their problems, and encourage them to build a better world for their children. Teach them how to save money to purchase a house, or for funding their children’s education, by sharing information on insurance policies, child endowment plans or systematic investment schemes for mutual funds. Tell them ways to ensure their children are well-educated and properly nourished, and are getting the right environment to spread their wings. This too can go a long way in improving the quality of life for the coming generation.

If you are looking for ways to spend a weekend in a more purposeful manner, visit a home for the needy or a rehabilitation centre, and spend some time reading good books to them, or just lend them your ear. Even better, volunteer with a local NGO or community to help them in initiatives such as blood or organ donation. You will return home with a smile and more purpose and life to your years. 

Comment less, contribute more

Commenting on each and every act or post has become a way of life for many around us; however, it is important to remember, ‘to each, his own’. Instead of commenting on what someone did or did not do, or could have done better, let us look within, and find ways and means to contribute more to the people of our society and nation.

After all, a simple act of kindness creates endless ripples.